Underneath the Insanity

With everything going everywhere in the last two weeks, I feel I need to take a bit of time to breathe.  Work, school, weekends, and through it all, I can feel myself getting old.  I realize that in the past year, I've put too much into material things, and a lifestyle, which to be honest, is totally unhealthy.  At some point, all the caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine is going to take it's toll.

Talking to a friend a few nights back, I've come to realize that although we might not look our ages, it's true what she said, I am starting to feel my age.  Too much alcohol affects me now like it did not when I was younger.  My body is tired and so is my heart, but maybe, I'm in denial.  I'm running around hither, tither and yon, trying not to think of the things that I'm feeling.  I let the crazy side of me take over because the other side of me is confused, and I don't want to deal with it just yet. 

I am getting old.  I need a new set of priorities.  My family has been trying to drum these thoughts into my head for the past year, and I guess they are right.  Life is not all thoughts and material desires.  As humans, we need to feed our emotions too, and if we fail to do that, no matter where we go, or what we have, we will always feel that certain emptiness.  We always think that we should be logical and practical, but there is no logic to the things we feel, and sometimes, it helps to ignore logic and just go with whatever it is your gutt tells you to do. 

Life is made out of moments.  Just think about it.  When you're sitting alone and contemplating things, you won't remember everything that you've been through.  You remember the outstanding moments.  Moments of joy, of sadness, of achievement... and sometimes, it only takes a moment to realize that something is right. 

In the past few nights, among the deepest conversations I've had have been marijuana induced, but when you're in a state of honesty, sometimes things just make sense, especially things to do with emotions.  You might have a set of criteria for some things, but life, especially love, is not like that.  Sometimes, you just know if it's right, or if it's wrong.  As for my family telling me that I should settle down, all I have to say is that, when the right time comes, the right guy will come, and it might be someone I've known for 10 years or 2 weeks, but if it's right, it's right and Inshallah, things will go where they should.